"In the Virginia Tech memorial convocation Tuesday evening, Professor and poet Nikki Giovanni said:

We are sad today, and we will be sad for quite a while. We are not moving on, we are embracing our mourning. … We do not understand this tragedy. We know we did nothing to deserve it, but neither does a child in Africa dying of AIDS, neither do the invisible children walking the night away to avoid being captured by the rogue army, neither does the baby elephant watching his community being devastated for ivory, neither does the Mexican child looking for fresh water, neither does the Appalachian infant killed in the middle of the night in his crib in the home his father built with his own hands being run over by a boulder because the land was destabilized. No one deserves a tragedy." Credit: Jim Wallis, God's Politics Blog

I think that statement encompasses my feelings on the matter. She says it much more eloquently than I ever could...but it's what I was thinking.

Have you ever thought I had a lisp? Have my "s" sounded strange to you? Does it sound like I have a lateral lisp, even in the slightest degree? If so, have I always had it? If not, when did it start?

Be honest...I'm interested to hear from those who have known me for a really long time.

Please, dear Lord, give congress the courage to actually stop this crazy President from enacting a failed policy and killing more humans!

I'm kind of happy that I wasn't by a TV to watch Bush's speech tonight and only read the transcript. The transcript infuriated me enough without having to hear him or see him. What I do not understand is how Bush can call himself a follower of Christ and do what he is doing. Hell, even more simpler than that, how can he call himself a smart, non-ignorant person?! Take this statement, for instance:

"They blew up one of the holiest shrines in Shia Islam - the Golden Mosque of Samarra - in a calculated effort to provoke Iraq's Shia population to retaliate. Their strategy worked. Radical Shia elements, some supported by Iran, formed death squads. And the result was a vicious cycle of sectarian violence that continues today."

Let's change that statement a bit.

"They blew up three of our most valued "shrines" - the two twin towers and the pentagon - in a calculated effort to provoke the American population. Their strategy worked. Radical [actually, let's just say mainstream] Mainstream elements, some supported by Americans and a few other countries, formed death squads (aka 'coalition of the willing'). And the result was a vicious cycle of violence that continues today."

The more Bush continues to define foreign policy as a battle of good vs. evil, with us being the good ones and those against us being totally evil and completely void of conscious, the more there is going to be killing and the more this world is going to go down the drain. Dualism is NEVER a good idea. The insurgents and terrorists are operating out of a worldview that says to defend themselves from "unbelievers." Some terrorists die in suicide bombings so that their families can benefit from the money give to them after the bombing. And most, if not all, are just defending their home and people with the weapons they have - crude bombs, swords, and guns. We just happy to be lucky that we can do the same exact thing from miles away and only by pushing a button. (Oddly enough, it was Margaret who reminded me of a lot of that).

What will be of our world in 50 years if today we continue this senseless killing??

Imagine if we spent the billions needed to fund this campaign on providing humanitarian aid to Muslim countries and to the extremely impoverished people of the world? We might be loved instead of ridiculed and hated abroad. There might be peace. But instead, we choose hate and death. What a shame.

For those of you that still read this, I have a question (or, rather, a series of questions) regarding the story of the birth of Jesus.

1. Do you believe that the events happened as they are told in the bible?
2. How do you explain the varying accounts of his birth (while they're not contradictory, they are certainly different at times)?
3. Is it possible that the story is merely full of rich symbolism and is meant to point to greater truth rather than be read literally?
4. If you answered yes to #3, is such a belief contradictory or even blasphemous to either Catholic teaching or basic tenants of Christian theology?
5. Does reading the story of Jesus' birth as myth and full of symbolic language affect the celebration of Christmas in a negative way or make such a celebration obsolete?

It's kind of random, I know, but it's something that I've been thinking a lot about lately and I'd be interested to hear what you all think before I say what I think. Perhaps I'll even make a note about it on facebook, but with the newsfeed and going to the school I go to, that might not be a great idea...

And respond whether you consider yourself a Christian or not...if I'm correct, all on my "friends" list were raised as Christians (and generally as Catholics).

I really have no time to be posting to here with a paper due tomorrow and sleep to catch up on, but I'm in the mood and these moods don't come around very often.

Spirituality isn't nearly as serious as we'd like to believe. In fact, I'm going to venture to say that true holiness, or being truly WHOLE, comes from laughter. When you identify that part of you that is not you, the part that prompts all the fears, anxieties, negativity, anger, and you laugh at it's futility and fakeness, then you've found grace. When lifes problems aren't so serious anymore, pity, guilt, resentment, or any other negative emotion become inferior. That's the key to happiness, the key to holiness - laughter.

I went on a retreat this weekend. The retreat itself was crap - merely another high school level retreat with a mentality that if we worship God hard enough, we'll find happiness. Well, that's a bit wrong if you ask me. God doesn't have the human desire to be worshipped - why would he need something like that? To feel good about himself? To know that we really care about him? Must we stay on bended knee for 2-3 hours in front of the "blessed sacrament" to receive God's love and graces? It seems to me that in this form, we think of God as a human King and are anthropomorphizing far more than we should be for the 21st century. And furthermore, what good is seeing God in the Eucharist if upon leaving the chapel, we forget God is infinite and in every one and every thing?

It's official - by the teachings of the church, there is no way I could be considered a Catholic. I have trouble saying much of the Nicene creed. I do not believe Jesus Christ was God's only son. I believe God is present in the Eucharist, but just as much as he is present in everything else. But the thing is - this doesn't really matter that much. I measure the quality of my prayer and state of being by how caught up I am in theology and beliefs. The less I am concerned about them, the better.

That being said, I'm much more of a Buddhist than I am a Catholic. However, I still consider myself a follower of Jesus Christ. His teachings are what are core to my understanding and I believe in them without question. I just happen to interpret his teachings much differently than the RCC does, and in many ways, much differently than any Christian church does. But I'm still going to go to Mass because it's what I know, and the ritual itself fits my beliefs when looked at from a perspective different from the official RCC perspective.

Anyway, I feel rather invigorated. Before this difference in belief made me feel alone, isolated - but now I feel enriched. It's like, instead of being confined to the graces of one tradition, I am opened up to the graces of several. And it's no longer playing the game of piety - you know, like who stays kneeling the longest, or who cries the most, or who makes the most charismatic hand gestures to show they've been "moved by the spirit" - or buying into the system of meritocracy.

This is the goal: To have life no longer be about winning or losing, right or wrong, black or white. No more duality. (yeah, I said it was rather Buddhist...)

On a completely different topic, I am excited about the new congress coming to DC in January! I'm not very convinced that it will bring about all the changes I'd like to see (like an immediate end to the occupation of Iraq, raising the minimum wage, meaningful immigration reform, end of warrantless wiretapping, shutting down of Guantanamo, abolishment of capital punishment, cancellation of debt to third world countries, efforts to combat global warming, meaingful measures to make abortion unnecessary and then illegal...just to name a few). I do have hope that some of those will come about, and hopefully meaningful work will happen that will encourage America to vote for a president in 2008 that does not prescribe to the Bush, neo-con ideology.

I got to see Aurelie and Yas today, which just about made my day! I can't wait till everyone is home - I miss you all so much. Not to be angsty, but my "friends" here don't particularly understand me, which would be alright, but here's the catch - they don't seem to interested in figuring it out. Or, even if you all don't understand me sometimes, you are still accepting of me - that would be fine too. Anyhoo, I just can't wait for our upcoming Thanksgiving, and then Christmas, breaks.

I came home tonight to sleep in my own bed, and since there's not much here to do, and I don't really know what to do with myself in general, I decided to read junior retreat letters.

Now after reading these, the question becomes: How the hell did I get to here? I know there's no use in looking at life in hindsight in this respect, but when you don't have a clue about what to do with the present, what're you left to do?

School is almost finished. I had my voice jury yesturday and meant to pick up the comment sheets this morning, but I didnt even think about it until I started writing this sentence. Oh well. I think it went alright (not great by any stretch of the imagination, but not bad either). I have three more finals - Philosophy tomorrow at 8 (glarg at the time), my piano proficiency jury at 12:10 (that will be easy), and then my Theatre II final Saturday afternoon (that will be a bitch - it's all technical theatre stuff, which is basically a bunch of construction/lighting stuff that I don't know). It will all be fine. I'm so dunzo with this semester. It hasn't been a great one academically, but I am really looking forward to the possibilities of next year. I might even minor in theology... (gasp). I think I need a bit more than singing, acting, and dancing all day long.

On Friday night, a few of my friends are coming to my house and my mum is cooking us dinner! It will be cute, no doubt. Ya know, there's a world of difference in the way I interact with my friends here and the way I interacted with you all last year. I think I've just grown a good deal over the past year, and now I need to transfer that back home over the summer. That will be the hard part. I'm going to want to fall back into old habits, but I'll work to resist that. I can't say the word "habit" without instantly thinking of Beckett. Ridiculous.

That's another thing. I now overuse the words "ridiculous" and "fabulous" WAAAAYYY too much. That'll pass over the summer as well.

There's a lot I could potentially talk about right now - where I think I'm going with my life (in regards to vocation), my relationships with friends, anxiety about the summer, my different thoughts on various "hot topics" of the moment - but it's all a bit too much to write about in a single live journal post. I will ask one thing, though - call me on my shit. Sometimes (and by sometimes I mean a hell of a lot of the time) I talk much bigger than I actually act, and that's gotta stop. Not the talking, but the not living up to the talk. Okay, enough about that.

I'm going to GC's prom with Diana! It should be a good time...I should probably get on top of like renting a vest and shit (I already have the rest of the parts of a tux...you can just rent vests on their own, right??). Does anyone own a cane I could borrow?? I have a sparkly plastic top hat, I just need a cane to match.

Okay...it's almost noon. Maybe I should shower and do something productive (aka have lunch). My room is a fucking mess and I have to move out in 3 days. Shit.

You are a Black Coffee

At your best, you are: low maintenance, friendly, and adaptable At your worst, you are: cheap and angsty You drink coffee when: you can get your hands on it Your caffeine addiction level: high

I'll only argue with the caffeine addiction part - it has no effect on me.

You all can decide on the rest...

Grace's post got me excited to post my musical collection, so here it is:

( Cast Recordings )

( Compilation Albums/Cabaret Albums/Solo Albums )

So I bought the Rent DVD tonight and just watched the extras. They were disappointing. I saw the "Alternate Ending" and got all excited that they may have filmed an ending where Mimi dies, but it didn't happen. It was just different music. I also was listening to the vocals and I found it more and more dissatisfying. Next time you listen to the soundtrack or watch the movie (if you are someone who would do that), listen to Adam Rapp (Mark) sing, and notice he uses no vibrato. Ever. It's always straight-toned and it sounds like shit. I think the argument would be made that the style calls for that, but if the style calls for bad vocal production, then that's a poor choice. The score is pretty good in general and will maintain that "rock" sound no matter what you do with it, so why not sing it with a healthy, good pop voice?? And I'm the last person to say that gorgeous voices make a great musical theatre performance, but this poor sound drags the whole performance down.

I just saw a commercial for some medicine with Mandy Patinkin. It was pretty terrific.

I'm without a car for Spring Break. My brother has my car in Baltimore, so during the days I am stuck at home. At nights I can use my other brothers car, though. But it doesn't matter much anyway - hardly anyone is home. Louis and Kaitlyn Kramer are the only two I know of. Piss poor timing. I want to get up to NYC some day, but that's gonna be hard. I need to find someone who lives in NJ or NY who will meet me and then I have to convince my parents to let me take the Chinatown bus. It probably won't happen, but I'm dying to see Sweeney Todd.

I dont really have anything important to say.

Good day.

Read this. This paragraph is what gets me: "Having suffered a heart attack back in September, Allen had asked prison authorities to let him die if he went into cardiac arrest before his execution, a request prison officials said they would not honor.

"At no point are we not going to value the sanctity of life," said prison spokesman Vernell Crittendon. "We would resuscitate him," then execute him."

Gawd...I mean, could they sound MORE idiotic? They really are valuing the sanctity of life by only allowing him to die at their own hands.

Today has sucked, much like the rest of this week. I see an unfortunate pattern. I think I might be getting sick.

24 was pretty good...I just hope they're not going too fast and end up having a TOO far fetched, disjointed season.

I need a 24 icon. I'll work on that. Fixed.

1. In one of my theatre classes, Alexander Technique, we weighed our heads. I had the biggest head in the class. Figures. And...I'm not gonna lie...I'm kind of proud of it.

2. Tomorrow is my birthday. Yay.

3. I just read Ann Coulter's latest article on her website. Not only does it remind me of something written by a Ryken student, but it's also just incredibly ignorant. And her last paragraph is wrong. What she MEANS is, "'Give me the right to have unprotected sex with men I don't want to have a child with or give me death' just isn't that attractive a principle in the light of day," when she ACTUALLY says, "'Give me liberty or give me the right to have unprotected sex with men I don't want to have a child with' just isn't that attractive a principle in the light of day." Or perhaps she did mean that, and it's just such a horrible misrepresentation of liberal thought that I assumed she had made a mistake.

She makes me angry. Go read her article and get angry too.

4. I'm going to the E-Street Theatre to see an independant flick. Except I'm not going with Aurélie so it's just burdensome as opposed to enjoyable.

5. I'm tired, but there seems to be no rest in sight. Perhaps I should just quit school...

6. On my birthday (which is tomorrow, by the way - in case I hadn't mentioned it), I have rehearsal from 11:30-12:45, then a break till 3, and then from 3-11. What a shitty ass birthday.

That's all.

The Boy Next Door Random Gentle Love Dreamer (RGLDm) Kind, yearning, playful, you are The Boy Next Door. You're looking for real Love, a lot like girls do. It might not be manly, but it's sweet. We think the next three years will be very exciting and fruitful ones for you. Your spontaneous, creative side makes you a charming date, and we think you have a horny side just waiting to shine. Or glisten, rather. You enter new relationships unusually hopeful, and the first moments are especially glorious. If you've had some things not work out before, so what. Your exact opposite: The 5-Night Stand Deliberate Brutal Sex Master On paper, most gay guys would name the Boy Next Door as their ideal mate. In the real world, however, you're often passed over for more dangerous or masculine men. You're the typical "nice guy:" without just a touch of cockiness, you're doomed with boys. A shoulder to cry on? Okay, sure. But never a penis to hold. More than any other type, Boys Next Door evolve as they get older. As we said, many find true love, but some fail miserably in the search. These tarnished few grow up to be The Men Next Door, who are creepy as hell, offering backrubs to kids and what not. ALWAYS AVOID: The Billy Goat CONSIDER: The Gentleman, The Loverboy Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating. My profile name: rfbigass

Oh gawd...

Ya know what are my favorite Christmas songs?

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas"
"White Christmas"
"I'll be home for Christmas"
"We Need a Little Christmas"

Why? Well, they make great showtunes. Sure, they generally seem happy about Christmas, and they are, but they all acknowledge in one way or another that life sucks. Despite their acknowledgement of "troubles" and such, they're going to put their problems aside for this one day and be merry. The pain in the subtext is delicious. Especially if you get a great performer AND a really good arangement of the songs.

And no, I'm not reading too far into these songs. And plus, those songs are basically standards - White Christmas is even from a musical - so it makes sense. I'm really starting to like standars a lot more. Yay for Cole Porter and Irving Berlin and the Gershwins.

Oh. And the Chipmunks doing the "Christmas Song." That rocks. Me? I want a hoola-hoop!

So Merry Christmas to you and yours. Seriously. And a happy new year - hopefully next year will be even better than the last.

I'll hopefully have a new cell phone tonight. Call my phone tonight or sometime this weekend so I can put your number back in my address book.

Also, if you read this and you're french, call my home or cell phone if it's past 6 on Friday night and tell me when I can see you.

I was bored and decided to look at AJ's facebook to see if she and Jarred were still together, and I assume not (considering she now has "in a relationship with ______" instead of with Jarred Reed). Does it make me a bad person that it almost made me contented to see it??

I'm going to say yes.

I think my new color scheme is more manly.

Take that, bitches!

And by bitches, I mostly mean Aurélie.

CS Lewis is probably rolling in his grave right now. Stupid fucking disney. For whatever reason, the whole thing infuriates me. Disney is "quietly" promoting the movie's religious implications to "evangelicals" (read: born again, fundamentalist christians) but when they talk to the press about the movie, they say it's not a religious movie. One guy even told a reporter on CNN that, and I quote, "If CS Lewis were around today, he would say it wasn't a religious story." BULL FUCKING SHIT! I hope this angers Fr. Gross too. Oh, and let's not forget the video game that has come out along with this. Here's Aurélie's commentary on that:

ComradeKerenski: Btw, did you hear they made Narnia into a video game?
ComradeKerenski: Kill Aslan get Turkish Delight.

That made me giggle.

Anyway. They all deserve to be shot for this. It's only going to be a mediocre film if they ignore the religious implications or underplay them (or overplay them as well, but that definitly won't be the case).

And I feel like going off on how "evangelicals" hate Catholics and Catholicism, but I won't. I yell at people about that enough at school. It's just that I get into discussions with these people and they start quoting a book that was written by a protestant who was raised Catholic and claims to "disprove" Catholic theology. Well, first of all, the catechism is like the bible in some ways - you can interpret different sections multiple ways and come out with completely opposite opinions (often the opposite of what the Church intended). Ugh. And then they say you're going to hell if you're not Christian. And even worse, you're going to hell if you're not "born again." What the fuck does born again mean anyway? It's funny though - they go on to quote John where Jesus said you need to be born again in the water or something like that, but if you read the same passage in the Catholic bible, it's sooo different. There's no water (metaphorical or literal) mentioned, but just the statement that you must be "born from above" - and aren't we all born from God above?

Ok. I'm done with my religious rant for the day.

I'm actually quite content with life right now. I am going to be returning to my permanent residence on Tuesday night and will be there for almost 4 weeks. I have a first read thru tonight for a show I'm doing in January, which I am QUITE excited about!

Anyone who has Showtime should watch "Sleeper Cell" - it's really entertaining.

OH! I watched the "prequel" to Season 5 of 24 today. It was like an 11 minute scene with Jack and he has long hair! I gotta say, Kiefer doesn't look too swell with long hair. BUT they apparently are going to bring in Jack's father this season, and DONALD SUTHERLAND is gonna play him! That is just toooooo cool.

When's everyone gonna be home?? And why haven't they sent me a letter about the IB diploma ceremony? Have they not sent it to anyone or what??

Ok. Bye.

I just downloaded the Princess Bride and am putting it on my iPod.

I think I can now be crowned the King of Mandy Patinkin fans. (no queen jokes, you bitches)

It's kinda late and I'm kinda tired, so nothing too elaborate.

I got my haircut today. It is no longer a wild mess of highlights gone bad. It is now tame and all one color. It looks natural. Victory.

I and several others are going to see Rent at midnight on Tuesday night - anyone else going to be back in town that wants to come?? It'll be LOADS of fun, I assure you! AND you can hear me either gripe about the movie or praise it afterwards! I actually have a feeling it could be better than the stage version...for instance, in the movie, "Seasons of Love" may actually WORK! Or I could have the same problem I have with the West Side Story movie and be distracted by the pirouttes (is that hte correct spelling, Aurélie??) on the actual streets of New York city. Regardless, come! It'll be fun. Just leave a message if you're in...

I'm very, VERY excited about thanksgiving. I hope to see all of you at some point...

Ohhhh...and friend me. Please. I'm just gonna post the fucking address on the old journal so people get here.

That's all for now.

26 more days!!

I think this is just lovely. I'll post a real entry sometime soon.

I can't wait till Thanksgiving!!